‘I had everything I needed to deal with this. I just couldn’t see it.’ Understanding the experience of subtle abuse in heterosexual women of high educational and socio-economic status to aid recognition

Intimate partner abuse (IPA) conducted solely on a subtle level has not previously been studied, inhibiting therapist recognition and leading to potential further victim harm. This qualitative study explored the experience of subtle abuse amongst women of high educational and socioeconomic status (HESES) and therapists who had worked with similar women, to aid recognition. One over-arching theme of incongruence occurred in all a victim’s relationships, including with themselves and with therapists. Victims’ abuse-responding behaviours and abuse-related shame linked with their HESES. Identification of incongruence among victims and others, such as therapists, is central to the recognition of subtle abuse.