Too Picky to Be Picked? Minimum Mate Standards Predict Number of Years Single, in Uncommitted and Committed Relationships

Humans seek to spend most of their lives in long-term mating relationships, yet remain selective about whom they are willing to partner with. We examined whether pickiness (i.e., minimum mate standards) predicts how many years individuals have spent single, in uncommitted, and in committed relationships. We hypothesized that if individuals have unrealistic mate expectations (i.e., their adaptations for adjusting standards are mismatched), greater pickiness would predict more years spent single and in uncommitted relationships, and fewer years in committed relationships. A representative Norwegian sample (N = 1182; ages 18–60) indicated their pickiness by rating minimum acceptable levels for 18 partner traits (e.g., intelligence, maturity, bodily attractiveness). They also reported the total time they had spent in committed and uncommitted relationships. Results showed that pickiness for physical attractiveness increased men’s years as single and reduced their years in committed relationships. Overall pickiness increased women's years in uncommitted relationships and their reports of being single due to attraction to partners unwilling to commit. Effects remained after controlling for participants’ mate value, mate wanting, and mate seeking. These findings suggest men's standards for physical attractiveness and women's overall standards surpass the mates they can attain.